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Don't Be So Quick To Turn Back The Clock

Saturday, 14.11.2009 / 9:00 AM / Mike Ulmer's Blog
By Mike Ulmer  - Mapleleafs.com commentator
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Don\'t Be So Quick To Turn Back The Clock

The Leafs are holding 80s night on Saturday against the Calgary Flames.

Now, I like irony as much as the next guy but anyone who wants to go back to the the 1980s wasn’t paying attention.

Do you know what the top ranked shows were in the eighties: Dallas, Love Boat, the Jeffersons, the Dukes of Hazard and Three’s Company? And you think The Biggest Loser for Fat People was debasing.

Manimal in all its glory.

I do not make this up. There was a show in the 1980s called Manimal in which an animal beharvioralist could actually turn himself into an animal to solve crimes because hey, what police force couldn’t benefit from having a panther on the case?

The 1980s gave us virtually nothing that lasted. Prince Charles married Lady Diana, the Cabbage Patch Doll became the go-to gift and Ben Johnson was the world’s fastest man…for a couple of hours.

Do you remember New Coke or Black Monday, the day that would always stand as the worst day in the stock market or the love for the ages that saw Demi Moore marry Bruce Willis?

How about milli vanili or Pete Rose’s claims that he never bet on baseball?

I was shaped and scarred by the 1980s. The only time I ever littered was on a Pennsylvania Interstate in the 1980s when unable to tolerate Boston anymore, I ripped the tape out of the eight-track and fired it out the window. I never go back to Pennsylvania without wondering about the statute of limitations for littering. Only the music of the 1980s could make a man a criminal.

Todd Gill made the 1980s more tolerable for Mike Ulmer.

Spell if for me people. D-I-S-C-O. Disco music is to the 1980s what the Black Death was to the Middle Ages. At least the plague went away. Somewhere, right now, Kool and the Gang and Murray Head are still entertaining.  No joke. I’ve seen their websites and everything.

The 1980s were also the bitter days between the Leafs four championships in the 1960s and the powerful teams of the 1990s.

It was the era of Greg Britzi and ‘The Smile Has Left Your Eyes, ‘of Rich Costello and ‘I will survive.’

I remember the Eighties. When I forget my age, the little snots who run this place threaten to find out by cutting me in half and counting the rings.

It’s nice to remember the excellent play of Todd Gill, Bill Derlago, Rick Vaive, Gary Leeman and of course Wendel Clark, but the Leafs won two playoff series the entire decade so the era was not exactly replete with good times. The Leafs have won four playoffs this decade, by the by.

So please, spare me the 1980s. Believe me, scrape away the facial hair and you won’t find much underneath.

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